Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Tactical marriage counselors

I know, I know, I know. Don't let things like this bug you. It's not good for my blood pressure and I have a bi-annual flight physical coming up in a few months.

But still. . .

A reader e-mailed me a link to a story from some online gun rag about the pros and cons of open carry. The beauty of the internet, much like YouTube, is that it offers every delta-alpha in any given community the opportunity to suddenly become an expert by virtue of having posted and built their own website or video. And then like the mindless lemmings they are, the unwashed and uneducated and uninspired and unmotivated entitlement crowd who doesn't want to actually THINK for themselves or actually learn and PRACTICE the trade can come along, read the rag or watch the broom-closet produced video and then consider themselves as part of the great washed masses. 

We have those same idiots in the gun world. But even more dangerous than that are the supposed experts, the "unmarried marriage counselors" if you will, who collect acronyms behind their name that impress the great unwashed among us and made the unknowing actually think that the instructor with the alphabet soup behind his (or her) name actually knows what the hell they're talking about.

So I'm reading this article and the quotes from all the "instructors" and "gun school" owners/founders (in which the majority of cases is some yahoo showing up at a local gun range with a firearm, a briefcase and a wheelbarrow load of BS) about open carry.

As I'm apt to do, I begin googling and researching and e-mailing my old military and LE friends to see if they've ever heard of these yahoos. Zilch in most cases, and in two, they HAD heard of the yahoos and it was not flattering.

BUT. . . these "instructors" all use the tacticool language such as "situation awareness," or better yet, the beloved acronym "SA," and "engage" and "conditioned response" blah blah blah blah.

To read the drivel these people write (and undoubtedly spew), one would think that these "instructors" have more kills than Wyatt Earp and Chris Kyle combined. The reality is they have more mouth than Jesse Ventura. In looking at their pictures, a majority have the required and requisite "special forces beard" which is a joke because the REAL special forces professionals I've known and continue to know. . . first thing they do when they get home and discharged is shave that sucker off. Most let their hair grow a little, but I've only known a couple that kept the beard--and they lived in the great white northern climates. Don't know of too many that kept the big heavy beard down here in the South.

And then there are the pictures of them and their students on the firing line. Always pictures. Students have the special forces beards and tacticool sunglasses and tacticool gloves and tacticool hearing protection and using a tacticool shooting stance and using tacticool movements.

I'll wager a BBQ dinner that if 95% of these tacticool instructors/students were to ever find themselves in an honest-to-goodness real life "I've got to shoot and NOW, no time to think or ohmygodI'mgoingtodie" situation, a six-pack of squeezable Charmin and Mr. Whipple himself wouldn't be able to clean the mess in their britches they'd make.

I wonder if these "instructors" and "schools" teach tacticool crapping?

The people I know, at least in my generation, who've had the unfortunate experience of having to point a weapon at another human being and pull the trigger don't talk about it with glee, nor do they particularly relish the memories. The snipers are a little different. But the cops and military people I know of my generation and older. . . they did what they had to do and moved on.

My father-in-law was a Marine in WWII in the South Pacific. He was a machine-gunner in the original Raider Battalion according to his discharge papers. Won some medals, caught some Japanese lead in the process, and lost a helluva lot of friends along the way--friends he grew up with in Waterville/Winslow, Maine because back then, entire towns would sign up to go to war and the Army or Marines would often keep them together for obvious reasons.

When it came to schooling my wife and her sister on firearms, my FIL spoke gently and quietly and from a position of experience. Nothing "tactical" and no words like "Honey, when you engage the perp as he breaches your apartment door, you'll need to do an evasive tactical roll to your right, follow the tactical flashlight I've duct-taped to your tactical .25ACP assault pocket-pistol and then proceed to discharge your firearm until empty then make a tactical reload and re-engage the perp while still maintaining a high-level of SA because you are now in Condition Nuclear."

Instead, he told the girls something like "hide behind the bed, call the police and then shoot the SOB as many times as you have to to get him to stop threatening you."

My FIL, like most decorated combat veterans and LE professionals I know, would've made a lousy instructor at today's gun schools. He didn't talk and act and dress cool enough--and he didn't have the special forces beard, although he did have some pretty cool large wrap-around sunglasses he picked up after his cataract surgery.

How I miss the days of Bill Jordan and Jeff Cooper. . .